It is close to 10 a.m. in Krabi on a Monday morning.
Usually, by this time of the day, I’m writing down my to-do list, mentally checking off all the things I need to discuss with my clients, responding to messages and emails…while waiting for the first cup of tea to help me race through the day.
But today is different.
I’m perched on the edge of my yoga mat after a nice hour of stretches and deep breathing. In front of me, the blue-green sea stretches into the horizon blending into the arms of the crystal clear sky. It’s monsoon season in Krabi but today, the sun is out and it’s rays are starting to bounce off the waves, creating twinkles and sparkles on the edge of the water. There is hardly any sound to be heard except for the occasional chirping of a bird, the wave crashing on the rock or the joyous peels of laughter of the kids playing nearby. It is getting warmer with each passing minute, but the tree I sit under protects me from the heat of the rising sun — at least for now.
I’m at peace — the kind of calmness that eluded me the last three years. I’m a freelancer, for context. Juggling multiple long-term projects and clients meant my mind was in constant chaos. I was continuously planning, ideating, writing, responding to emails, and taking client calls. I was working almost 10–11 hours daily and not really plugging off even after hitting the ‘shut down’ button on the laptop.
I was enjoying the experiences and opportunities though. I was working with people I loved, and projects that challenged me. It was the best phase of my freelance career till date. Naturally, even though I had realized I was starting to burn out, I just didn’t feel good about pausing.
And then universe took an action on my behalf. One of my clients got acquired and I had to wind up my work with them. Suddenly after 36 months of either working or worrying about work in some way all day, I had time to reclaim for myself.
At first, I wanted to fill that time with things to do — look for new clients, write something for myself, start learning something new. There was nervousness about finding new work, finding the kind of work I would love to do, people I would love to work with. There was excitement about having time to write for myself, maybe start a podcast — a new passion project? There was also a sense of anticipation to learn something new — yoga? Kathak?
But I had to stop myself.
My ever-churning mind needed a BREAK.
I knew I had to slow down first before anything else. I knew I had to re-learn to “just be”.
Flashback to 2013
I quit my corporate job on a whim in 2013.
During those initial months, I used to feel unproductive simply because I wasn’t spending those hours between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. on a laptop.
It made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough, like I was wasting my time, and maybe even making a mistake.
It didn’t matter that I was using that time to do things I enjoyed.
It didn’t matter that I was still working on projects that paid my bills, just fewer and different hours.
It took me several months to find a sense of security in just being — without any guilt. To sip on a cup of coffee and read a book till maybe 12 or 1 p.m. in the morning. To watch the flowers blooming on a nearby tree or catch glimpses of the two red-vented bulbuls finding twigs for the new nest that they were building — without feeling like I was wasting time. To go for a movie on a Monday morning or catch up with friends for brunch on Thursday noon.
It took me so much time to love my time without feeling guilty of not spending it in a productive way — and then in 2021, a bunch of interesting work came my way. Of course, not accidentally. I had been cold emailing for a while. Just that in 2021, a number of the them responded together. Every conversation seemed like there was something interesting for me to do and thus began a three-year journey of juggling multiple projects.
At first, I was hesitant to say ‘yes’. I just loved all the time I had to simply exist that I didn’t want to jeopardize it for anything. But then, not everyday do you get such opportunities coming your way. In between the this-or-that dilemma, getting advice from friends and reflecting on what I want in life, I decided to say yes to all them.
Along the way, in the last three years, I slowly unlearned just being. I slowly forgot what mornings without racing through check-lists looked like. And I slowly became a do-er.
Let’s not get it wrong — I’m a great do-er. I work hard, love challenges, managing projects and putting my best work out there. But that also ate into how much I loved just existing. How much my sense of worth wasn’t tied to my productivity. How much I enjoyed the colors and sounds of nature.
Back to 2024
I’m relearning the joy of mid-day slacking.
When I’m in a part of the world where nature is in abundance, I choose to be present. Sleep under trees, sit by the beach, feel the breeze in my face and let my mind rest. When I have a cup of coffee, I intentionally sip to the last drop in the mug. When I do yoga, I don’t plan what I’ll be doing after this. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t think about work and only work.
And I’m still working, mind you! But not filling up day with only work, making intentional schedules that allow me to also just be. And you know what I’m sure about? In this space that I’ve created for myself will emerge the realization of what I need to next with my work and life, and everything else that comes in between.
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