"She is such a hardworking and reliable person."
"She is a very caring and giving friend."
Two statements that aren't ideally red flags of any sort, but they still could be.
Let me explain.
If these are statements you've been described with (I've been), there is an important counter question you need to ask yourself:
What does being hardworking, reliable, caring and giving mean to you?
I've always been proud of my ability to work hard and be reliable at work. That's what has helped me build my freelance career.
And my ability to give also gives me a lot of happiness - maybe, even more than the receiver.
But here's the dangerous side to seemingly harmless or beautiful traits.
Do you use the above traits to earn your worth, in your social and professional life?
Do you think you are loveable or in the work situation, be seen as a great resource only if you are constantly checking these boxes?
I started contemplating on this only lately. Because I caught myself pushing too hard to ensure I don't fall of these pedestals.
I was striving extra hard (more than my mind, body and life could deal with) to meet deadlines.
I would do anything to not be seen as a slacker.
I could care for someone to the point of exhaustion (even when the other person wasn't asking for all that).
And worst, I didn't feel even a tad bit comfortable receiving the same care in return.
That's when I realized even your best traits (that people admire and love in you!) can become unhealthy for you.
For me, now, it is important to understand and work on my work and life boundaries.
How much is enough, beyond which I will either burn out or resentment will build up?
And to know that I deserve to be loved just the way I am. I don't need to earn it by doing things for others always.
Cheers! :)
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