I turned 30 this year. That’s been a good 360 months on this planet.
And no, 30 doesn’t suddenly make you old physically (the ads and media messaging definitely do). At least, I still feel the same as I was 4–5 years ago — except that now I’ve gathered a bunch of life experiences and realizations to help me breathe a lease of fresh life into my 30s.
So here goes…
‘One true love’? — love is so much more than that
I always thought of love in terms of being loved by someone else and being desirable enough to be loved by someone else. Now I know more than that. That love is to give. That love is what connects all beings. Love isn’t what I share with my partner or child or parents alone. Love is at the heart of everything we do if we can shed all the conditioning about the concept that media has force-fed us.
2. The valleys in our lives are as normal as the mountains
Pop culture will tell you to chase happiness. But what it also is indirectly asking you to do is run away from problems; as if problems suck the happiness out of you. Here’s the truth though: life is meant to have ups and downs. We will have moments of failure, error in judgment, and loss as much as we have happy, joyous moments. That’s normal.
3. Everyone is a product of their environment and experiences
There is nothing like a fact. It is all a perspective. And we are all a product of the environment we grew up and live in, and the experiences we’ve had. That does not make one better than the other. It, of course, just makes people different from each other in our opinions and ways of living.
4. You earn as much as you need, not as much as you can
The problem with the capitalistic, consumeristic world is that it wants you to keep earning and consuming. So most of us are constantly trying to earn more, upgrade our lives, and then earn more, upgrade again…this continues. But this cycle can get tiring. Consciously knowing ‘how much I need to live well’ and working towards that target has been a huge relief.
5. Privilege is real and so is discrimination
There’s reason to be humble about the things we achieve and that’s because not everything is because of our hard work or talent alone. Being able to have access to education…being given the freedom to make my choices as a woman…being financially independent…are all privileges a lot of people can’t afford. And these privileges have helped shape my life.
6. Life happens in the grey — never in the black and white
It, of course, helps the binary brain and legal system to categorize everything into black and white. But the truth is, life never happens in the binary. You can never divide people into good and bad. We are all a blend. I may seem good to you and bad to someone else. I may be a great teacher but a not-so-great neighbor. Everything is grey…but people will still have an inclination for black and white — because our brain is a meaning-seeking machine
7. Never believe everything your brain says
Connecting the dots and making meaning of things is our brain’s function. However, our brain just connects dots based on its convenience and knowledge, and not objectively. This means, that if you feel like your friend is terrible, your brain is automatically going to line up information and scenario that validate this. And suddenly, if you choose to think otherwise, it will dig up relevant memories that validate this opinion. So trusting your brain is a bad idea!
8. Liberation from the ‘I’
Can I really stop taking myself so seriously? I’m just another speck in this universe and I’m also as special as everyone else is — both at the same time. But can I let go of who I am and I’m not…what I should be and shouldn’t be. That gives a sense of liberation like no other. And like everything else in life, path to liberation is not a linear journey. Some days, you’ll be bathed in the warmness of feeling liberated, but most of the other days, you are unlearning beliefs and ideas to find that liberation.
9. The joy of being over having
I could have everything I want and yet keep wanting more. I have experienced that first-hand. But there’s something very calming about being. You are not racing towards a goal. You are not living in the future. There is no 5-year or 10-year plan. There is just being and living in the now. Gathering experiences and moments, and finding your life as it happens.
10. There is something that guides you which goes beyond logic and emotions
I don’t know if that’s a gut feeling or instinct…but there definitely is something that helps you find answers, that isn’t logic and that aren’t emotions. The problem is people often confuse this sense of knowing to emotional thinking or irrational idea because it can’t be logically addressed. Well, I believe there is something beyond the two that is far more powerful. It is not often that I get access to it but when I do, the answers and solutions feel so right.
And a bonus lesson I learnt which I also think is the most important: I’M HUMAN. I will fall, stumble, and make mistakes and that just makes me more human. Not unlovable or unworthy. Just more human.
:)
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